Tedronicus Bela5000

In a galaxy waaaaaayyyyy the f*ck outchea on the planet Boygetout, lived a young man named Tedronicus Bela5000. Tedronicus was a simple terrestrial who spent most of his time teaching misfit youths how to perform in the regular society at a School called The Boygetout Institute & Training Center for Hopefuls. B.I.T.C.H as the locals refer to it. When Tedronicus wasn’t teaching, he was spending time with his son, JoJovian. Tedronicus was initially complacent with his simple life on Boygetout, but he realized there was a void in his life that had yet to be filled. Tedronicus wanted a mate. His first attempts at finding a mate were made at Boygetout’s local watering holes. Tedronicus knew that these locations had little to no potential mates (because they were located on the PregoTrim Nebula) but he was still able to brush up on the game that he once had during his single phase. The PregoTrim Nebula was a dark, dark place. Once a small yet beautiful region known for inhabitants who had a vast amount of potential, the people of the PregoTrim Nebula had one weakness, the men and women were extremely fertile. Fertile, and eager to pollinate. Tedronicus had went away to college and during those 4 years, most of PregoTrim’s citizens had spread younglings far across the Nebula and their were little to no people who have remained vacant. Finding it difficult to join the ranks, Tedronicus found it hard to fight the toxins that the foliage of PregoTrim excreted, also fell victim to the youngling outbreak, which brought him his blessing of JoJovian. Tedronicus hadn’t given up hope to find a mate. Tedronicus knew he could not find a mate on his own so he enlisted the help of two droids he picked up on the a local junker planet. These droids were, Tindertron and Bumblebot. Embedded in the databases of these two droids were profiles of the single women in the PregoTrim Nebula. Having no luck initially, Tedronicus began matching with some of these inabitants and had started going on dates. Little did Tedronicus know that these matches would take him lightyears away from his comfort zone. His very first date was with a young lady named Yolandobatios from the dangerous planet of CreightonCourtreo. Tedronicus was pretty familiar with the PregoTrim Nebula but was unfamiliar with certain parts outside of Boygetout. Being a gentleman, he insisted on providing transportation for this date. The date itself went well, as he had picked up Yolandobatios while the sun was out. But he apparently dropped her off while the wrong moon was in the sky because he encountered something he was never prepared for. He pulled up to her house in CreightonCourteo and there was hundreds of inhabitants scattered across the planet that he had not seen when he picked up Yolandobatios. While they were in their car conversing, a gentleman formally known by the planet as, Blackticon had joined the hoard outside. One of Blackticon’s comrades obnoxiously yelled “Blackticon! Is that not the women you bore three children with talking to that Niglax in the car?!”. “Niglax, that is in fact, Yolandobatios, the woman that I bore three children with talking to that Niglax in the car”, responded Blackticon. “That Niglax must not know about me and what I do in CreightonCourteo, but I’ll provide an example for him!”. After Tedronicus bid Yolandobatios farewell, he quickly ejected her from his vehicle, but not before receiving a few holes in his back passenger door from Blackticon’s Neuron Blaster. Needless to say, you couldn’t pay Tedronicus to return to CreightonCourteo.

Tedronicus hadn’t fully given up on The PregoTrim Nebula, hoping that he would find a diamond in the rough. One day, while using his Tindertron droid, Tedronicus struck GOLD. He matched with ROYALTY!!! A young lady named Princess Taroro, originally from The Broadrocktion Planet. Tedronicus didn’t treat this match lightly as he was immediately enamored by her beauty and IMMEDIATELY shot his shot at her. To his surprise, his shot landed! Princess Taroro was actually interested in Tedronicus. The two had a great back and forth conversation until…… Taroro ghosted him… I mean straight left Tedronicus in the dust. Planet L Occupation: This Niglax.  However, Tedronicus, being born under the Scorpion Moon(Shut your mouth) had the ability to take dating L’s in stride. He went back to his droids, Tindertron and Bumblebot and went back to swiping left and right on them hoesars.

Fortunately, Tedronicus found some inhabitants of The PregoTrim Nebula who could at least help him have fun during the summer. Once Summer was over, Tedronicus was lonely again. One day, his most faithful and loyal droid, Facebookie, whom he carried with him whoever he went because his database held every encounted that Tedronicus went on since 2007 and had Terabytes of information that even Tedronicus wasn’t aware, was there to assist him. MasterBela5000, I think you might want to take a gander at my “People you may know” feature because it might have something you’d be interested in. The usual people he may know consisted of inhabitants with bad PH balances and horrid morals that even he was unable to cosign, but he checked anyway. To his surprise, Princess Taroro was amongst the people that he may have known. Tedronicus toyed back and forth of adding Princess Taroro to Facebookie but he eventually told the droid to send her a request and see what it do. To his surprise, the Princess accepted! Not wanting to seem eager, Tedronicus waited to see if any of his witty status updates and incredibly humorous posts would intrigue the Princess. Once a few of them did, he decided to re-rack and attempt to shoot another shot at Taroro via Facebookie. A few days later, Facebookie says, “Master 5000, you have a new message.”. Visibly annoyed by the relayed information by Facebookie that he repeatedly receives daily, Tedronicus replies “Ok Nigloid, AND?! It’s probably another chain letter from my old ass brother Quincycon Junior!”. “Quite the contrary Master Bela5000, it’s from Princess Taroro regarding your shot.”. Tedronicus, reluctant to catch another L, commands Facebookie to open the letter…. Princess Taroro said…..

To Be Continued…..

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: