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Archive for April, 2016

The Scooternator

Some folk know, some don’t. I lived in Nutsac West Virginia for about 9 months. It was quite the experience. Not bad… Not great… I was… There.

The school I went to was pretty big because it was the only Junior high in the county. And there were only 5 black people. I’m exaggerating, maybe 25ish. And of course, not everyone likes each other but there’s like an underlying brotherhood if something went down. But there’s an exception for every rule.

So I’m walking through the Hallways of General Lee Junior High and a fellow brother approaches me.
Bro: Aye Teddy, you heard what happened to me?
Me: Naw, what?
Bro: This damn red neck called me a Nigger!
Me: WHO?!
Bro: Such and such. Ima beat his ass after school Bruh.
Me: I mean if you feel disrespected then you gotta do what you gotta do.

So Bruh was small…. Frail… But I thought he was one of those small dudes that had to fight his whole life so I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he could handle himself since he had so much confidence.

Later on in the day I was in class talking to my boy JB Snooze.
Me: Aye you heard Bruh Tryna fight some red neck that dropped the N bomb on him?
JB: Yeeeaaaa everybody has been telling him not to do it cause he’s gonna lose but he won’t listen.
Me: idk Bruh sounded pretty confident.
JB: You ever seen the dude he wanna fight?
Me: I can’t put a face to the name but I’ve probably seen him.
JB: If you think he has a chance of winning, then you haven’t seen dude. I’ll show you on the way to lunch.

So he points dude out…..
Listen…..
Just listen to Me.
This was the beginning of Me being a conspiracy theorist. At the tender age of 14
I saw dude and I just KNEW that somewhere in 1967 Bull Connor was in a lab in Alabama with a bunch of Klan scientists working on a series of Red neck cyborgs to send to the future and terrorize black folk. This dude was just huge for no damn reason. He looked like a shoulder wearing tight jeans and a tight ass white tee. And folk saying he just got that big working on a farm. Aint that many hay bales in the state of West Virginia. AND by this time I had been at the school for about 5 months. I’ve seen about everybody in the school. I would have noticed somebody strolling round the building built like a Jeep. I’m traumatized and I’m shocked because One: Unless Bruh has some cheat codes or a Gamebreaker or a mushroom, star, the ghost of Jack Johnson. He not winning.
Two: this corrupt ass school is housing this Klan cyborg that Bull Connor sent from the past. IVE NEVER SEEN HIM. And I wish someone from Administration would admit that they kept his ass in a closet plugged up, charging for the first half of the school year and only let him out to terrorize folk. So let’s call him “The Scooternator”

The school day is over and I’m on my way to practice and I hear people calling Bruh name so i know he fighting but maybe they’re cheering him on. When I get closer they have the hallway doors closed. The window of the door was taller than me so I’m jumping up to look through it.
I really wanna tell ya’ll that Bruh was winning this fight. I would love nothing more than to tell you that Bruh defeated The Scooternator and saved his race.
But, instead I have to tell you that every time I jumped up to look through the window, Bruh was being used to scrub the floor. I mean Scooternator is standing there, emotionless, dragging Bruh who I can now call “The Artist Formally Known As RINSE”(RIP).
And folk are letting this go on. They’ve formed a circle. RINSE is laying on the floor looking like Frogger after he lost. And I’m just screaming “SOMEBODY THROW WATER ON HIM AND SHORT CIRCUIT HIS ASS” “FIND A BIG ENOUGH MAGNET AND USE IT TO FRY HIS MOTHERBOARD”. My screams fell on deaf ears. Bull Connor has won.

They suspended Scooternator and I didn’t see him again. So I’m pretty sure he jumped in his vortex and went back to 1967 to get his next assignment.

RINSE had all the respect from me for standing up to the cyborg. But he should’ve done his research. David had a stone and sling shot. Craig had a brick. We live in the mountains.. You’re surrounded by weapons.

To suffice for the L taken…
Have a listen

Until next time, folk.
Love

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