Touch That Link, Folk

Archive for September, 2015

Rookie Season Vol. 1

So I’m bout 6 months and some change into the Daddy Game aaannnddd. I’d be a damn lie if I told you I had it under control. 

I’m getting there… But I think me and Jojo would agree I have more work to do…


I came a long way from the first time me and him ventured into the world though. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

His mother had just gone back to work from maternity leave and I was given the task of taking him to his 2 month appointment.

Getting him ready JUST got easy. Back then, I could freak a black & mild faster than I could put a diaper and onesie on him. I’ve showed up to appointments 30 mins late because I went to public school so I don’t quite understand how to put shoes on an infant.

Twas a onesie and socks kinda day for the young bull when he hung out with daddy.

Went to the doctor and he woke up as soon as I sat down. He was good at first… Then he got hungry. No worries I had breast milk in the diaper bag… I can prepared…

Not that damn prepared though… The shit was frozen…. In my defense… I could’ve SWORN it was gonna thaw out in 2 hours….

Again…. It’s my rookie season….

So Jojo gets hungry…. I’m his father so I understand.
I’m just not prepared.

He…went… Honey baked ham.
Randal CunningHAM
Anthony HAMilton
Mia HAMm
Watson’s go to BirmingHAM

Bruh screamed his soul out. When he hungry this man turns in To a Louie Armskrong Howler Monkey(best way to describe it) To make matters worse he also had a blow out and had baby boo boo running down his leg.

So I’m in the public restroom… Sink clogged with hot water Tryna thaw the milk out.
Him channeling Aretha Franklin, K Ci and Jojo
Tryna change and feed him.

20 mins later I accomplish my mission.

I come out the bathroom and this boy about 11 or 12 is running from the door cause he just had his ear to it.

Me: You mind yo got damn business….
Him: *gasp* Daddy!
*Pops mean mugs*
Me: I’ll take this diaper bag off and rinse yo ass too.

Of course I won’t take my frustration out on my son so someone gotta catch an abundance of fades.

I’m feeding the seed and waiting to be called.

They call me up to the desk for insurance info…

Again It’s rookie season So I can’t hold and feed him and hand them my insurance card.. So This polite hood hippo offers to hold him while I handle business..

She falls in love with my son and wants to keep him, understandably so, the boys handsome as hell….

But I can’t take her up on that offer cause I’m currently not in the physical state to RKO his mother…

The Nurse calls us in and I try to gather Everything together and get in the room…

Rookie season…. I forget his car seat.
The Nurse offers to hold him while I go back and get it…

Lets pause so I can Be Bob Ross and paint a picture for ya’ll..

Imagine a documentary… Some clueless egg shell colored dude… In my head he’s British. He just picked up an adorable bear cub and is playing with it on camera…. The camera man’s eyes get big..

So i come back and the nurse is holding son parading him around and she’s standing in front of the Dr. With her back towards me… I walk up to her and Docs eyes get big and she says, “Dad’s back” no threat, just a big black dude.. Although given the situation and the picture I painted for you I was almost inclined to let out a big ass roar before snatching my son away for added effect but I refrained.

The check up went well, found out Jojo was the size of a decent thanksgiving turkey. Can’t deny him.

He gets hungry again…. Shows his ass Again… I was unprepared AGAIN!

Rookie season… I’m back in the bathroom Tryna thaw out breast milk in luke warm water.. I’m vigorously rubbing it under the water giving it a happy ending and shit. I feed him and he’s back to my happy greedy son that I strangely love.. We made it home and mommy came through to save the day.

Real quick , I know this wasn’t my typical knee slapper but I wanted to take you through a day of a clueless new father… I find it strange and interesting that when he was first born he knew nothing of me besides hearing me sing Foreign Exchange to him through the womb and when he came out and opened his eyes he stared at me trying to figure out who the hell I was and I was absolutely in love with him. I pretty much had to audition for my son.
It started out rough but Fatherhood is my new favorite hobby… I like to think I got better at it.


Until next time folk!