On a bored day at work me and my coworker were talking about how many times we got into fights in our lifetime. While explaining my scrap history I noticed a hilarious transformation. I’ve always been a lover but just like you I’ve had my moments.
1. Look Good Losing
I was in the 3rd grade. Each day before school we sat in the gym until the teachers came and got us. We were sitting on the bleachers and I was talking to one of my friends and this dude sitting next to me rudely interrupts me and tells me to shut up. I respond “make me” Cause that was the proper response back then let television tell it. So we get into a shoving contest.
*dude shoves back*
*dude shoves back*
*dude shoves back*
Dude decides to take shit to the next level. I was perfectly content just shoving this nigga cause I was winning.
*dude slaps me*
Up until this point I had never been in a fight. All my siblings were way older than me and I didn’t live in a neighborhood with alot of kids so there weren’t many opportunities for childhood scrappage.
So I ain’t know what to do, I just knew I had to do SOMETHING.
So I did the first thing that came to mind.
I grabbed dude by his collar, and I threw him down in the part of the bleachers where folk behind you put their feet.
Whole class starts screaming.
From a distance.. I’m fucking dude up.
From my clueless ass point of view I just got dude hemmed up in the bleachers… Ain’t throwing no punches cause idk what the hell to do I’m just holding collar shaking his ass. So I pretty much scolded the hell outta dude.
They break it up. I was always a shy kid so getting slapped in front of my class was embarrassing. I may have cried in the bathroom, fuck you.
I get home, teacher called mom dukes, mom dukes called pops. They both yell at me for not defending myself. If I could go back in time and tell pops this is his fault. Ain’t nobody tell you to have yo first child at 18 and have me at 40. Who the hell does that. Maybe… if you had me closer to my brother me and him would’ve had plenty exhibition matches and then I would’ve been a pro by the time dude slapped me. These tears is on you pops.
So… by the rules… I lost that fight.
2. Fake It Til You Make It.
I’m in the 5th grade now. I’m riding the bus minding my own business this egg shell colored girl behind me says “Hey I bet you won’t hit me” idk why the hell kids said stupid shit like that but they did. So anyways, I slapped her hands. Twas a playful tap cause she smiled afterwards cause she was playing too. Or was she the devil?
She calls her cousin who was on the bus,
“Casey he hit me!!”
And his ass sposed to be mad..
So he punches me in the shoulder.
I punch back.
He punches me again.
I punch back.
You can tell neither one of us know what we’re doing cause no face got punched.
I’m annoyed now. I’m finna give this muhfucka the shoulder punch to end all shoulder punches. So he’ll leave me alone.
I cock my arm back all the way and pick up all the anger and frustration I got for always being left unfroze during freeze tag. I swing for his shoulder.
Dude decides he wants to bitch out and flinches.
This flinch makes his elbow hit my arm which knocks my punch off route and now it’s heading for his face.
Bruh cried and fell in the bus seat.
His friend and his cousin run to him to make sure he was ok….
They look at me.
Initially I felt bad I had every intention to continue this shoulder punch contest until I got to my aunt house. I could apologize…
OR I could show that the young Belafonte cub ain’t nothing to fuck with..
I chose the latter….
“I TOLD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE DIDN’T I?! (I didn’t) NOW LOOK AT YOU! DON’T MAKE ME DO IT AGAIN! (cause I won’t )
Ain’t nobody mess with me on the bus. I went out a got damn slugger.
Egg shell colored cousin, his blood is on your hands.
3. Jiminy Nigcket
I’m in the 6th grade now. Around this time “Yo mama” rebuttals were at an all time high. There were 2 types of people at East Garner Middle School. Those who shrug off or return a “Yo mama” rebuttal. And those who go to war off one. I was the former. I listened to what the teachers said. These niggas don’t know my mama so what does it matter. One day I wanted to be war ready. Why? It was cool.
We at lunch, I say something to this dude. He has a Yo mama rebuttal.
I initially shrug it off…
My friend decides to be Jiminy Nigcket and is all in my ear.
“Bro he talked about yo mama… You can’t let him get away with that.”
So after lunch we went to look for dude. I’m hoping we don’t find him so I can just let it die over… NOPE! We found him.
Jiminy in my ear again telling me to hit him. I’m tryna be cool so I go up to him.
“So my mama a man, huh??!”
Shit ain’t eem make sense
A big glob of spit flew out his mouth
, I was actually impressed by myself.
Everybody standing round with the obligatory “OOOOOOOOOOOO”
“Don’t do it no mo”
Me and Jiminy walk away. I turn around. Dude standing there looking oh so defeated. I feel bad…
Hindsight… Me and this dude was friends. We played football together. I just wanted to be cool.
But this damn conscious of mine.
I walk back over there. “Hey man…. I’m sorry. Ya know… I just love my mama man.”
Those same folk cheering me on, couldn’t understand me and booed me….
I wasn’t built for that life.
4. Grizzly Belafonte Is Born
I’m in the 12th grade now. I’ve asserted my dominance at Thomas Dale High School. Not by being a scrapper. But playing football and having witnesses to me lifting heavy shit in the weight room i was left alone. I was cool with everyone so I never had any beef in high school.
The one thing I hated was when folk used to titty twist or hit me with the man boob lift. One thing I hated more than that was folk who did it for show.
It’s St. Patrick’s day, I have on one of my prized outfits, Jamaican flag shirt, fresh jeans, clean butter tims. I’m on my way to class. My boy was leaning against the locker talking to his freshman girlfriend. I go to dap him up. I hear him whisper to her “watch this”.
He gives me a man boob lift and says “Where’s your green at nigga?”
He broke two rules.
I could’ve let him slide cause he my boy…
But his girl laughed.
I kinda snapped…. Kinda.
I grabbed his face and mushed him into the locker.
I may have OD’d.
Every time his head bounced off the locker I caught it and threw it back into the locker. I even hit him with the ass whooping cadence ya mom’s hit you with when she beat you.
WHERE’S YOURS AT?!
He trying to get himself together.
I walked away to class.. His girl just staring at him… Thought she was cool dating a senior nigga just got his ass Pong’d into a locker.
I’m still a lover…
Until next time folk!!!