Rage Quit in 5,4,3…..

As you may know I used to slang them crab cakes(wait tables) in Central VA for a couple years. I have the utmost respect for any server outchea cause it is not an easy job.

I stayed strong for 2 years cause the money is fast enough you don’t go broke but slow enough that the feds don’t watch.  Perfect medium.

For a while I worked Saturday mornings. Saturday mornings are a gift and a curse. It’s not stressful and you’re out the door quick but it’s a guaranteed $40 shift cause its so slow… I mean who wakes up like “maaayynne I could really go for some crabcakes”? 12 people do…. So there’s only 3 servers and a manager on the floor and the servers rotate until dinner shift folk come through. Simple enough,  right?

Well this one particular Saturday, which happened to be the beginning of Black History Month, separated the men from the boys.

If you’re an avid reader, which I hope you are, you remember the Christmas Party blog when I introduced my manager, Kate Thinslet, and my engaged coworkers LeAnne Dimes and Chadam Vinatieri. Well we were all together on this day. It started out a normal Saturday.  Clean and set up and watch that one old couple sit outside until we open. We all got our rotations going on. Ain’t but 6 people in the restaurant. 1:30 hits and the kitchen staff goes on break. 3 cooks go to the gym, 2 cooks and a dishwasher hold it down.

SOOOOOOOOON as they leave folk start coming in the door.
It starts picking up but ain’t nothing we haven’t done before. I do my normal walk around to check the white board to see what table I got next. I got a couple, no biggie I just gotta stop being Saturday lazy…

I go in the back to make some drinks and pick up some food… I come back to the front and it’s black Friday outchea.

I check my list and I got two 4 tops and one 9 top. For non servers it’s how many people are at the table.

So I hit my go to. Take everybody’s drink orders. Serve dat ass…. Take food orders… Serve dat ass… no time for conversations today folk.

Throughout all this mayhem I keep walking round and see this table fulla my people just looking.. every time I pass by they look more irritated.. in my head I would’ve served them until their server had time.. BUT THAT DAY? Ain’t no time Bih

I do another round and Kate comes up to me like “Teddy did you get your other 9 top?”

*record scratch*

What other 9 top?

Bruh my soul pop locked outta my body. I just KNEW it was that table fulla annoyed black folk I had been Instagram model Curving since they sat down. They finna unload on my ass.

Sho nuff it was…
Only thing to do now is what My OG server taught me… “Ya’ll look thirsty”

Brought 9 glasses of water to the table.

I apologize to them and begin to take their order and one of my tables are waving frantically for my attention. I go over there:

“My clam chowder tastes off”

Well bitch turn it on I ain’t got time. I’m only giving cold drinks and hot food. YOU should’ve prepared your taste buds for off chowder.

I go in the back to try and attempt to turn these folks frowns upside down…

My composure was skrong tho. In this situation I look to Kate Thinslet cause if she skrong, I’m skrong.

Chadam off in the cut in the midst of a level 5 melt down:

*picks up plate* *puts it back down*
Welp! Don’t have time for that!
*fills cup half way slams it back down*
Don’t have time for that shit either!


You got dishwashers making salads and desserts. Running food out to tables and shit. I was so certain we were gonna go outta business that day.

I look to Kate for that motivation I need to finish strong.

…… Ain’t no motivation bih.

She at the soda machine making drinks crying her spirit out.
“Teddy I don’t know what to do… I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!”

First order of business is to stop crying.  1. Cause you’re better than that and i need you with me right now and 2. You crying into they drinks. Sierra Mist finna be salty as hell.

Bruh.. You know what made things worse.. LeAnne Dimes is CHILLING. I mean fall back game strong. She walking round getting all her orders to her tables effortlessly.  Making all us look unstable. Then she got the nerve to say, “it’s getting a little busy isn’t it?”

Shut yo whole ass up I’m bout ready to quit.

Kate Thinslet had to make an executive decision cause we was all finna drown.

She called Trillary Tuff who was working dinner shift and asked if she could come in early cause we was finna be Circuit City in 30 mins… She said she’d be there as fast as she could.

Then she called my homie Slim Carrey and asked if he could come in and bus tables. He let her know he was fresh outta driving school and didn’t have time to stop home.. Sheen care. We needed whatever we could get.

Bruh outchea bussing tables in an Adidas track suit.. EFFORTLESSLY might I add.

Trillary Tuff calls the restaurant while digging in her husband’s ass cause he was driving.  “I’m coming as fast as I can ROBBIE DRIVE FASTER!!!”

She gets there and starts getting it done. I mean she got her husband in a white tee and jeans taking folks drink orders! WE SKRONG!!!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I may not have to quit after all. My tables were not satisfied in the least bit but fuck it they ate…

The calvary arrives… the dinner shift. I made it…

When the shift is over I rewarded myself with the world’s largest fattest blunt… I’m joking… Ribeye and Blue Moon. Manager told me I ain’t have to pay cause she just KNEW I was gon quit… Ya boy did it…

Fuck that day tho…

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