Touch That Link, Folk

Archive for August, 2013

The Hall Pass

So.. when I was doing my internship at Dizzney I basically had to bite my tongue most of the time… Cause you know… People like to SEE black people…. But may not wanna hear em… So me and a couple folk I worked with had to quiet it down….

But….. BUUUTTT… there was this one magical time… we were given a hall pass…

The managers wanted to do something special for all the interns  cause our programs was almost over… so they took us to the Kagic Mingdom and we had to break into teams and do a Scavenger hunt, winners got movie passes.. I know it sounds corny… but it was dope..

well… before I get into this story I wanted to talk about something hilarious that happened that day but it really has nothing to do with the story… There was this chick that worked in the same area as me. she was pretty stuck up… drove an Escalade, always had gucci.. she was one of them… She rarely came to work…  She actually missed the day that they told us to come in for the scavenger hunt but she somehow made it to the scavenger hunt…. She rolls up with this big ass smile on her face… and one of the managers was like “Can I speak with you real quick?”…… dat ass got fired…..

So back to the story… We’re a bunch of over worked college kids who had to bite their tongues when dealing with a massive amount of idiots every day… but being able to go to an actual park… in plain clothes around people that have NOOO clue you work for the Mouse and not have to answer questions like: “What time does the 9 o’clock fireworks start?” bruuuuhhhh….or “how do I get to the monorail?” Idk cuh… it might be under that big ass sign that says “monorail”… “Is the main street parade…. on main street?” Sir/ma’am…. stop it…

So being able to walk around the park knowing that the mouse wasn’t watching you AND getting paid to do it is an interns dream come true…

Lemme introduce my team:

Myself

Bobby Drake- from the Popeyes story

James Stanko-  my alabaster homie from Florida, clowned around more than I did so when we were together foolishness ensued..

Fail DeBarge- my bro from Mississippi, typically a model citizen but I’ve witnessed him get pretty ignant…

So we’re on our way to Kagic Mingdom and if you’ve never been to Dizzney world and you’ve park hopped you know that you can take the Monorail to KM or you can take a boat… Stanko said we should just take the boat cause the monorail just left with some folk and we can’t let them get that big of a head start on us.. and they both take the same amount of time.. I didn’t pay attention to that last part until later…

So we sitting on this boat… that’s going slow as hell… and i’m getting annoyed…. so I decided to let it be known…

Me: Stanko… why the hell did you think that this would get us there as fast as the monorail?

Stanko: They told me it was the same speed..

Me: Bruh?? you believed that shit?! The hell you lettin them insult your intelligence like that?

Stanko: What you mean?

Me: This is a f*ckin BOAT… the monorail is a TRAIN don’t let them lie to you and tell you that a got damn ferry boat is faster than a train…

at this point I’m starting to get attention from other guests and a couple of em felt the same as me…. unfortunately they also finished drankin round the world at PEPCOT… so things…. decided.. to go..left… like far west…

Random Eggshell colored gentleman: HELL YEA… THAT FUGGIN MOUSE HAS BEEN RAPING MY POCKETS SINCE TUESDAY… I SAY WE RAPE HIM!!!

Me:………………….oh………..

*IMMEDIATE Silence*

Smile removed from my face.. and the face of others…. I sat right on down… put my headphones in… listened to Little Brother and prayed for forgiveness for essentially inspiring the violation of a lovable childhood character….. and my boss

We finally finish the longest boat ride ever… and we’re in Kagic Mingdom… ready to win these movie passes.. and get ignant…

As far as the scavenger hunt goes… me, Stanko, Fail, and Bobby are killing it.. We running thru this hunt and we needed one more.. a picture with Lilo…

Well.. while we looking for her.. I see my nigga… my nigga Pinokeeyo.. I HAD to get a picture with him first…. and to make things better.. his character attendant was BEAUTIFUL.. well.. to me.. I like girls who are kinda funny looking..  big eyes, a crooked toof, stuff like that… but that’s neither here nor there..

So, she takes a pic… and I start my corny flirting that I do sometimes… I’m not gonna tell ya’ll cause I ain’t finna get clowned..  but she feelin me a lil bit.. I got her to laugh… and she had an ugly ass one too that’s how i knew it was real cause she released that beast in public…

Then this happened:

Me: Question, do you know where I can find Lilo?

Her: Lilo?

Me: yea.. we doing a scavenger hunt and i need a picture with her..

Her: Oh… so THAT’S why you talking to me? I knew it was something bout you…. This conversation is over I gotta take Pinokeeyo inside.. *walks away into the employee section*

Me: wait what? *walks into the employee section after her* no… I talked to you cause I wanted your number.. but I just asked you a question cause I thought you’d know

BAM!!!!

bitch ass pinokeeyo pecked/headbutt the shit outta me… his nose got me RIGHT in my eye… I got tears running down my right eye n shit… I WON’T CRYING DOE…

did I fight back? nope… for a number of reasons.. I didn’t wanna be that dude that fights Dizzney mascots… and 9 times outta 10 those short mascots are either 4’11 Latino dude… or a female…. I didn’t want that blood on my hands… I took my L…

Bobby: why you crying? *snickering*

Me: I ain’t crying… You know this Florida weather mess with my allergies..

Fail: NIGGA WE JUST SEEN YOU GET HANDLED BY PINOCH DON’T PLAY IT OFF!!

So… I dealt with that… for a while… I finally got them to focus on finishing this scavenger hunt…

We found Lilo… took the picture… and had time to spare… so we went to be fat and indulged in those Pterodactyl legs that  they call turkey and funnel cakes…

There’s this dude there that Stanko HAAATES… I’ve seen him around the apartment complex and all he does is freestyle and breakdance… I mean… super douche… Ed Hardy to the socks… so let’s call him Steve Douchemi…

Anyways… apparently Douchemi cockblocked Stanko at a party and he was still upset about it… so.. while Douchemi is freestyling.. again…about what? I don’t know… Stanko ties his bookbag to the chair he was sitting in… while it’s on his back… while he’s sitting down… smoove shit…

well not so smoove… Cause Securrity seen him. Dude comes up to Stanko… and I see him but i can’t think of a way to warn him but worst case scenario they just tell him to untie the bag so it won’t be too bad… but you know how shit goes when I’m involved… it never goes as planned… It goes… left… always..

Securrity sneaks up and yells “WHAT YOU GOT THERE YOUNG MAN?!” ridiculously loud..

Stanko jumps up.. Douchemi tries to jump up but the chair was heavy and snatched him back… and he flipped over the chair backwards…. and he’s stuck…  which is a hilarious sight.. but he let out this dying giraffe noise and I think he may have slightly injured himself…

We all knew… that we should probably get the hell outta there….

So.. we take off…

and I’m OOUUTTTT

I’m fast for a BigNig… I’m not like 4.4 40 fast… but I got some speed…

That day I easily ran a 4.9 40… Bobby yells “YO GO TO THE MONORAIL!”

Nobody even looked back to see if Securrity was after us but we all knew that if we got caught we could possibly get fired and have to go back home and explain that…

Completely off topic but there was this dude who got fired that worked in the same park as us and he was SO SCARED to go home to his parents that he got a job at Wal-Mart and slept on various couches until his program was over… The Struggle

so yea… my big ass made it to the monorail.. and I spread out on the chair and died a couple times…

We make it back and met up with our group… they check our pages… and we got it all right….

Boss Man:  who was in your group?

Me: Me, Stanko, Bobby and Fail

Boss: aahhhh… sorry

ME: What?

Boss: The ONE rule I gave was that you couldn’t have more than 3 people on your team… so you’re disqualified…

So basically… I got a sexual assault hit put on Miggey(which is still on my conscious cause idk if they followed through) , got sonned by Pinokeeyo, and lost half a lung running from someone who prolly wasn’t chasing me… and I have nothing to show for it…….. cool

So yea… that…. was an eventful waste of my time….

I really apologize for that hiatus… hopefully this makes up for going missing… I won’t do it again…. book is coming soon… still got some shirts left too… get at me folk!

Love..

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