Sooooo round my Jr. year of Undergrad I was chillin with your fav Baltimore goon in Steve Maddens, John TrAssaultYa, and my other friend Flexence Atkins a goonnette from The Bronx that somehow made it to Petersburg VA aka my ex-wife(not really) but to the untrained eye.. you’d think we was going thru a divorce that could only be seen in something written by Tyler Perry… that’s how we argue… that’s my homie doe..
So we were studying.. or supposed to be anyways and we(me) got a taste for Bojangles… the only one being in (H)Dopewell,VA so Flexence begged to differ…. Because no matter how much I raise my voice… we still wound up in the McDonalds parking lot… and I was driving… My struggle… So she goes in McDonalds… While she’s in there me and John standing outside partaking in a Black & Mild.. some Whorpheus shades wearing nigga walks up and asks to borrow a phone.. I don’t like folk touching my shit… so I told him mine went on to glory… John being the good Samaritan he is he lets dude use his phone… and John walked away to go to my car n get something.. and this happens:
Whorpheus: yo… I messed up Mayne….. real bad mayne! *single tear rolls down cheek*
Whorpheus: mayne I pulled he hit the flo I seen blood and ran………………………………………………………. ight yo peace
*hands me phone* *walks away casually*
Me: O__O for like… 5 mins
John: what’s wrong?
Me: umm… I’ve only watched first 48 a few times.. but um… I’m pretty sure that nigga just confessed to a f*ckin murder on your phone..
the hilarious thing about John is that even when he’s stressed or upset… or any emotion really… his facial expression reads “0 f*cks given*
John: Oh.. OH… OOOHH ight.. yea… ight… well shit…. that’s real… uhhh… *throws phone on the ground* *A-town stomps on phone* *throws phone down the gutter* well….
I’m still hoping Whorpheus was trolling… cause.. that was a monumental dick move….
So Flexence comes back and we tell her what happen….and this asswipe laughs…..
Bojangles is closed now so I settle for something from WaWa.. John’s a vegegoonian(goon vegetarian… keep up) so he wasn’t fuckin with us anyway. We go in cop work…. get out.. on the way to the car there’s this big ass Tahoe a space over from my car and it’s full of clothes n shit. This tiny black lady with this squeaky voice leans out her passenger window aaaannnndddd this happens:
Lady: Excuse me? Excuse me?
Me: yes ma’am(cause i’m a gentleman n shit)
Lady: Are you stalking me??
Me: …….beg your pardon?
Lady: Are you stalking me?!
my slow ass… I’m sitting here like… “did I accidentally poke this ho on facebook n scare her or something?” and i’m starting to feel bad..
Flexence: Ma’am no one is stalking you.
Lady: Oh I’ll be damned! Somebody is stalking me! and YOU! look like the person who’ stalking me. His name is *Voldemort* from Nawfuck state and he’s a *Fraternity that I won’t name* and I’m ready to fight back! I already got the Sheriff and went to Ft. Lee and now the military is looking into it. I’m getting ready to fax the president if it gets out of hand after that..
Me: *it finally clicks in my head* oooooOOOOOOOO….. She’s CRAAAZZYYY.. I get it…
John: Miss, Relax no one is
Flexence: Just get in the car John…
We leave… I don’t know if she ever got help… Idk if Obama faxed her back… Idk if she cleaned out that junky ass Tahoe.. I DO know John got a new phone and we haven’t heard anything…
but none of this would’ve happened if we went to Bojangles I’m sure of it…
Until next time folk!
I wanna thank ya’ll for supporting me this far, I’m still taking t shirt orders so get in contact with me and let me know if you’re interested and I got u..