Touch That Link, Folk

Queen of The Burg

So while I was in college I joined this organization.. I’m not gonna say the name because this story finna get trill… And I don’t wanna start any problems… that’s me overthinking it…

Well this one particular time we… Actually lemme introduce the characters first:

There was me, obviously…

Tayshaun Prison- my boy, fellow country bruh from the middle of nowhere, VA

Mary J. Rideonourenemies- Certified thugstress from B-more

Leroy Squid(character from Oz… watch the show)- slick talking homie from NY

Soufside Superstar- definition of a hood gazelle… i’m talking weave changed every week.. aaannndd she’s from Soufside Richmond.. too trill..

Pusha T….atianaAli- from Sem Fye Sem(757) she too, kept it trill… even at 4’11

and finally Greashia Cole- who is also from Sem Fye Sem.. and the reason why this beautiful moment in HBCU history even occured.. and much like 95% of females in sem fye sem.. she kept it trill as well…

there was more but if I talk about all of em this blog will be extremely long…

So one day all of us were in the media room in the library studyin and Tayshaun walks in with Greashia all calm… but then we look at her knee and it’s all bloody n nasty and i’m starting to get light headed(i’m still a goon doe)..

Everyone: Greashia what happened?!

Tayshaun: oh she just got in a fight on 3rd Ave…

Everyone: With who?! Did u win?!

Tayshaun: she was goin in but they tried to jump her


So Mary J, Pusha and Soufside getting upset and in unison say “WE GETTIN AT THEM BITCHES RIGHT?!”

So this was the nigga synthesis that got this ball rolling…

After a series of text messages, 4 The Hard Way decided that they were gonna squad up and meet the other girls at these traptownhouses…

Tayshaun had to go somewhere but he was with em in goon spirit… Me, Squid and a couple other homies went to support.. and to make sure some dudes ain’t try to intervene.

Pusha calls me and tells me to meet her behind the library…. I meet her and she had already squaded up… but when they told me they were finna squad up I thought there was gonna be a couple extra girls…..

no…. that wasn’t the case…

it’s never the case with niggasynthesis

Pusha had like 13 girls with her and asked me if I could give em a ride to the fight…

I was driving a PT Loser at the time… It actually doesn’t matter what I was driving just know it wasn’t a fuckin limousine that could comfortably seat 13 hood gazelles..

I had 4 girls in the backseat and Pusha got in the hatchback cause niggas make things work when they need to get to a scrapathon…

So we get to the spot I’m standing outside watching…

It’s just Greashia and her foe.. scrapping… Greashia gettin in that ass… ruthlessly… then some random broad jumps in… so of course Pusha pulls out a got damn blade of some sort and Mary J had been trained to go since birth so she started gettin it in… the random broads in my car started gettin it in and I don’t know what the hell to do cause which team these broads is playing for…

all of a sudden


niggas start scattering… I didn’t… cause I have ADD and I was not paying attention at all… didn’t eem realize I was in danger til I saw the broads bangin on my car to let em in…

Pusha got in a diff car and dipped…

I’m thinking it’s over… but of course not…. it’s a nigga moment…

One of the girls(who at this point I realized was extremely pretty and had on some of the best hair the Won’s Wigs has to offer..Smokahontas) said that they were finishing it up by the dorms….

So we’re all waiting by the dorms… random broads are ready to pounce but they haven’t cause the main characters ain’t showed up yet…

all of a sudden Mary J drives past, barely slowing down, and yells out the window


and niggas scattered… FASTER then they did when they heard the damn gun shots ain’t that some shit?

So I sprint my big ass back to the whip and head over to Food Lion…

and while I’m waiting I’m having a moment to myself just tryna evaluate my life at that point.

“I’m in college…. and while some people are studying… I’m in the parking lot of food lion waiting for a fight to happen…. when did my life become a never ending worldstar video?”

So here comes Mary J again…. Getting her hoodrat Paul Revere on


in the car.. Smokahontas and Co. make a request…

“Shit can we listen to some Flocka before we beat these bitches?!”

Me and Squid, completely ignoring the fact that our girl is finna go into a Royal Rumble took the time to do something inappropriate..

Squid: you know…. ya’ll to beautiful to be fighting you sure you wanna do this?

Me: Yea… especially YOU *points to Smokahontas* lemme take you to Ruby Tuesdays instead of throwing you into this shit I’ll just tell em I caught a flat tire…

but these girls were ret to go…

So we’re in the park… they lined up on one side… Pusha n’em on the other side… Mary J got a bat that no one knows where it came from… it just appeared. I ain’t know she was a GTA character…

and I’m standing there fighting a nerd urge to run in between em with a sword held high and screaming “AATTTAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKK”

But once things got goin, Greashia, Pusha, Mary J, and Smokahontas and Co. went HONEY BAKED HAM and threw haymakers on them hoes…

until The Burgs finest showed up… and yet again my ass was ruuunnninnngg to the car again… Smokahontas and Co. get in and all the cars lined up tryna get the hell outta the park before the cops stop us… I cut some goons in a Caprice off and guess who got GOT!

Cause you know…. Cops see a Caprice… they bound to get an arrest outta that shit…


Where was Soufside Superstar during this fiasco??? Well… when I get back to campus I see her n some more folk standing around and she’s mad n shit so I ask what happened… Tayshaun goes: “Some dude owed Soufside some money and he wasn’t gonna pay her back so she snuffed the shit outta him”

See?? Too Trill..


I ain’t need no more nigga moments… I had my monthly quota… So I took my ass home

You heard of King of The Ring right??? If I had to crown a Queen(s) of The Burg I’d EAZILY have to give the title to Mary J, Pusha, Soufside and Greashia..

Until next time folk!

Don’t forget… I’m working on my book…. stickers… and shirts… bear with me… and donate to a young goon

3 responses

  1. Mkevonk

    Really? GTA CHARACTER? Lmao

    April 2, 2013 at 8:57 AM

  2. David

    Brother,are YOU from the Sem Fye Sem?

    April 2, 2013 at 2:48 PM

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