Touch That Link, Folk

Teddy B Thankful

I’ve never told anyone this… I’m actually not sure why I’m making this a blog entry or even talking about it but I am… I’ve always liked listening to folk problems and helping em out or just being that ear, ironically I’ve never told anyone what i’ve dealt with for the past few years… Don’t get me wrong.. throughout everything i’m finna tell ya’ll… I’ve been thankful..

I guess it all started when I was 18… I was a freshman at VSU, I barely talked and was just under 400lbs. I was staying on campus and I hated everything about it. I had been around my friends in high school for the past 3 years and once we went to different colleges I didn’t have anyone. So I only left my dorm room to go to class… If I ever went… Sometimes I just didn’t feel like being around people. Everytime I was on campus I felt like all eyes were on me and not in a good way. I HATED school… It got to the point where some days I wouldn’t get out of bed, I just wanted to sit there and mope around…order chinese… and go back in my shell… figured If I stayed in no one would laugh at me which equals a good day in my book… I did have a couple friends on campus that were in my major and they helped me keep it together my first few semesters.

I was at a lowpoint… When I did see my friends from high school I didn’t wanna be around them cause they wanted to go to clubs n what not and I definitely wasn’t feelin that so I distanced myself…. I’ve always believed in God and I prayed and I got delivered. I had an interview for a Disney World internship and I got it! Meanwhile, I got approved for Gastric Bypass surgery a few months before I had to leave for my internship.

Fast Forward I’m in Florida and I’m 70lbs lighter and I was enjoying it.. I wasn’t depressed and moping around like I used to and people were getting my awesome a-word personality and they loved it.. I loved it… I felt good, looked good, I was happy which I hadn’t been for a while…

6 months later I finished my internship 100 something pounds lighter and came back to VA with extra confidence that I didn’t have before.. I was able to go out and make friends and actually enjoy myself… My fam, my faith n friends got me to this point… My homie Durty Vert gets alot of that credit just cause at one point he was the ONLY friend I had on campus and when I came back from my internship he became my bro…

About 8 months after I came from FL I was hanging with my boys and I suggested that we take a trip to Raleigh so they can see where i’m from and meet my pops and have fun.. I came home to ask my mom if that could happen and that’s when fecal matter became fictional…

I remember the exact conversation to this day:

Me: Can me and my friends go to Raleigh soon to hang?

Ma: We have to go Raleigh tomorrow… You’re Dad’s in the hospital he had a heart attack… Ms. Sharpe is on her way over to talk to you..

Ms. Sharpe is my unofficial Auntie and she’s a social worker… but she rang the doorbell LITERALLY 30 secs after my mom told me the news… So I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel cause it hadn’t registered yet.. I got in her car and we drove around and talked and met with my pastors but I still ain’t know how to feel..

My dad was in and out of the hospital since I was a child and he’s always made it out.. My biggest fear was that this time he wouldn’t make it out.. Cause that happened to my Grammaw a couple years earlier…

If you know me personally I seem like the most nonchalant person… A lot of times I am… but I can’t handle stress to save my life… So I was just paranoid the whole time me and my mom were driving to see him.. When I got to the hospital I overheard my aunt and oldest brother telling my mom that he had died for a few minutes but they revived him… which wasn’t what I wanted to hear… I went in and talked to him but he was out of it… On the way to the hotel my mom told me that they didn’t think he’d make it through the night.. So of course i broke down… and I never cry… I stayed up all night waitin for a phone call but it never came.. So i was relieved… At the hospital I told him I loved him and came back to VA… he called me on the phone and we spoke again and was jokin round like we normally did…. 30 mins later my mom called me down stairs to tell me he passed away… Oddly enough I wasn’t sad… Because he was finally pain free I can’t really complain.. I didn’t ask God why.. I didn’t get mad at God… I was at peace knowing he was at peace…

Unfortunately that was the last time I slept for a while…. My grades started slipping…. I gained 50lbs.. and I rarely went to class…

But once again my faith, family, and friends got me through.. and I got on my ackrite… Out of 4 kids I was my dads only child to get a degree.. and I felt his presence the whole walk cross stage…

My most recent funk was simply because I wasn’t happy…. I have a degree and I wait tables… Every interview I go to they aren’t interested and I’m back at the restaurant.. I want to go follow my dreams but I’m afraid of failing so I just deal with what I have… Just skraight up unhappy…

But yesterday 3/24/2013 something amazing happened… I went to see my friend in Fredericksburg and we went to church… a few times… The first time we got the times wrong and wound up getting there late but in time for the sermon.. and he SPOKE to me… Like I’m afraid of following my dreams but God is in control.. and at times it seems like my life is at a standstill but he’s up there cooking up something..

Later on we went to another church to get a full service and this church was a holiness church… and as you may have read from my other blog entry I don’t really fit in with those… The Bishop asked that if you feel you need to be restored come to the altar. I’m Baptist so I thought this was basically like an altar call to just pray over us.. but naw…

He said to kneel at the altar until I spoke in tongues… And i’ve never done that… I don’t know how to.. so I just knelt and prayed.. and took the time out to Thank God for everything I’ve been through… Cause a lot of times it seems like I take everything I have for granted.. and while i’m kneeling I see everyone around me falling out and speaking in tongues and crying… and I wasn’t… and I thought I wasn’t doing it right.. The Bishop came and anointed me with oil and I kept thanking God… I got up and went to my seat cause I didn’t know what else to do…. but while I was sitting down.. I couldn’t sit still… and I felt something I’ve never felt before.. So I just had to walk around the church and keep thanking him.. That’s all I could do… But it was an awesome feeling.. I’ve never had a religious experience like that before…

Today tho… 3/25/2013.. I know ya’ll can do maff but I just felt like writing the date.. I was driving back from Fredericksburg and I wasn’t feeling like myself.. I got to Chester and I decided to go to the Christian bookstore and get a couple books… But I still had that same feeling… soo.. on a spur of the moment I drove to Williamsburg… and I was just thinking about all the stuff I wrote about ^^^^up there and how I’m sooooo thankful That I’ve been brought thru… and on my way back… I found myself in the car… smoking a cigarette.. Listening to Shekinah Glory and crying my eyes out… That’s the first time I’ve cried since I lost my dad… 3 years ago… I was scared.. I didn’t know why I was crying.. I just know I couldn’t stop.. So I called my aunt.. and she told me that I felt the spirit… and that this was only the beginning… We prayed.. and now i’m telling ya’ll about it…

I’ve never spoke about any of this before… and this all started 5 years ago… I feel good finally saying it… I thank ya’ll for reading… and I’m excited cause it can only go up from here… I’m Thankful God… So Thankful… I’m goin full throttle on this book.. Pray for me..

Preciate ya’ll reading…

Advertisements

8 responses

  1. Nique

    I love you, Teddy! I am beyond proud of your transparency and growth. Keep allowing yourself to be used by God and He will continue to guide you. I can’t wait to see what lives are changed because of you! If you didn’t catch it the first time, I LOVE YOU TEDDY RUPSKINS!

    March 25, 2013 at 5:11 PM

  2. Chimael

    I’m not just proud of you for getting your degree but I’m so proud that you were & are willing to let God take control & that’s not easy. Keep your head up! You have so much support & love coming from your family. you FAPily, friends & even strangers who are fans of your blog

    March 25, 2013 at 5:42 PM

  3. Cathie Reid

    Wow G..this is so beautiful…some things I can totally relate to…I am happy you have experienced the presence of the Lord!!! You will never forget this moment. Its been 8 years for me and it seems like yesterday… Happened New Years eve, 2004…I thought something was wrong with me too but after crying for what seemed like hours, God touched my heart and life and spirit and I am so very thankful…haven’t looked back since..my life was/is forever changes to serve and please Him…..love ya much!!!!!

    March 25, 2013 at 6:58 PM

  4. Everything happens for a reason in life. It took great courage to share this with us bro, keep on fighting and continue to stay true to yourself!

    March 26, 2013 at 12:55 AM

  5. You got my prayers!! Sounds like that church was amazing.. I encourage you to continue to go. God is with you young man!

    March 26, 2013 at 4:32 AM

  6. Jesica

    This was a beautiful story, and I’m glad that you shared these experiences with us. Continue writing your stories.

    April 15, 2013 at 6:24 AM

  7. Words just cannot explain the plethora of emotions that this post evoked in me. Man listen..I promise. whew. Love you teddy. Btw, my birthday –>3/25

    April 24, 2013 at 3:16 PM

  8. Mcfli

    Amen

    June 10, 2013 at 6:15 PM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s