Teddy Vs Quincy
These past couple months I’ve been denying this but I think I may have to just deal with it. I keep ignoring it hoping it’ll go away but it won’t… So you, my faithful readers (I love ya’ll btw) are gonna be the first people I say this to.
I’m turning into my Father…
And it’s not necessarily a bad thing.. I think my father was awesome, but he had his moments. As you may have read from past blogs my dad can be very aggressive and blunt…. and growing up I have always been like my mother, who is the complete opposite. Well, recently my father has been coming out hard (big ups to 8Ball & MJG)
I just wanna give ya’ll a few scenarios so you know when I’m coming from:
There’s this one story my mom told me about my dad which keeps me laughin my ass off. They used to work together and my mom was giving a tour to the new guy and she saw my dad walking towards them so she said “Hey, Flames Earl Jones, lemme introduce you to my feyonce(i know what i did there)
Mom: Hey Quincy this is Fla-
Quincy: Yea whatever, fuck that muhfucka *keeps walking*
Mom: O__O i’m so sorry….
See, according to my dad, Flames was interested in my moms so that was his way of intimidating dude without losing his job.
Then there was the time my mom went out shopping and he stayed home sleep, well, my moms friends(whom my dad couldn’t stand) were coming from 2 hours away to visit but my mom thought she was gonna be home in time. Well this was before cell phones so my mom had no way of telling anyone that she was gonna be late. So they pull up in the driveway, my dad heard the doorbell ring, he gets up to see who it is, he looks outta the window, goes back to his room, turns the TV up and goes back to sleep… Leaving em out there for an hour til moms came back.
Both of these classic moments of goondom occurred before I was born… So did my dad slow down after I was born??
nigga had 3 other kids before me, he ain’t slow down for them… I ain’t no different
I remember when I was living with him cause my moms job moved her to the abyss known as Alderson, WV. Well I had a writing assignment I needed proofread and me and dad had an agreement that I’d never ask for help and he’d never offer to help cause it went something like this:
Me: Quincy, can you check this for me?
Q: *slow reading* The…Life…And.. what is this? Times? of Teddy, Bela…Bela…. *balls paper up and throws it* MUTHAF*CKA I CAN’T READ THIS SHIT GOT DOGGIT!!!
So i asked him to take me to Staples so I could fax it to my mom. well… he didn’t know they charged out the ass for using the fax machines, neither did I but I was 12… that was my excuse…
So before we sent it the lady told him it’d be bout $13..
Quincy: How Much?!
Quincy: *takes out credit card* *hands it to her* *takes it back* so…. WHY WON’T THIS SHIT FREE?! CAUSE THIS SHIT SHOULDA BEEN FREE! I’MA HOOK THIS BEEPING AND FAXIN SHIT UP IN MY HOUSE SO I CAN MAKE SOME F*CKIN MONEY.. SHIIIIDDDDDD
She just sitting there with the sad, awkward, scared face cause she was only like 16 and then she looks at me like I’m sposed to save her life… ho i’m just as scared as you is!
Well… I’ve been having quite a bit of Quincy moments..
Over the summer i took my car, LaBenz Tate(it’s a Camry tho) to the dealership and I was in there with my Grampaw for 2 hours, watching people come and go. I go to the front and I ask politely.
Me: Scuse me sir, how much longer is it gonna take on my car?
Sir: oh it shouldn’t be much longer.
Me: ok thank you..
2 hours later I had checked my fucks account and noticed that I had overdrafted and had not a single one to give.
Me: ummm… Sir?? How much longer is it gonna take on my car?
Sir: Ooohhh should be coming up soon..
Me:….*still checking my pockets for that f*ck to give* Soon?
Sir: yea not too much longer…
Me: *possessed by the spirit of Quincy B* not much longer?? You sure? Cause MOTHAF*CKA THAT’S THE SAME SHIT YOU TOLD TWO GOT DAMN HOURS AGO.. DEFINE SOON.. DEFINE IT!! CAUSE WE OBVIOUSLY IN DIFFERENT GOT DAMN DICTIONARIES. I MEAN SHIT, IF YOU WOULD’VE TOLD ME WHEN I CAME IN THAT IT WAS GONNA TAKE THIS DAMN LONG I WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN MAD… YOU KNOW WHY?! CAUSE I’DA PREPARED MYSELF FOR 4 DAMN HOURS… HONESTY.. FUCK THAT POLICY, RIGHT?!
why was this rant coming out so smooth and witty? Cause I spent those 2 hours preparing it in my head.. needless to say when I went back in that waiting room it was awesomely awkward and my grampaw is just sitting there shaking his head.. like “Yep….Quincy’s back”..
I get my car back in 20 mins and while i’m about to leave dude stops my car
Dude: Hey sir I apologize for that wait but I noticed that your inspection is about to expire and if you give me like 20 minutes I’l have you all set.
Me: -___- *pulls off*
I already feel bad enough telling ya’ll about this rant being so close to Martin Luther King Day.. and I apologize ahead of time for this next rant…
Well… My dad used to get his hair cut by one of the black ladies that worked at Blooper Cuts or whatever those shops are called… Well he put me on to her, then told me that when he was in a bind he got a cut from this white lady that worked there and she cut it good cause she had a black husband.. So i get in a bind and there are no other stylists there but Honey Boo Boo’s mama and I KNEW a black dude was taking that down.
So i get in Bama Nicole Smiff’s chair and she asks:
BNS: What kinda guard you want baby?
BNS: What kinda guard you want?
Me: Umm…. can u just cut it close?
BNS: yea but what kinda guard you want?
Me: Ma’am I don’t know what you’re asking ME, but what I’m asking YOU is to cut this close.
so she starts cutting…. but I noticed she had no form while she was cutting.. wasn’t going against the grain or anything.. she was just cutting….
then I told myself.. “maaannn she cuttin my hair like a white boys”
Yo… This ain’t the same lady that cut pops hair… but it was too late…
you ever take your dog to get its hair cut close? u see them random patches of EXACTLY where they cut… well that’s how my head looked… then.. to piss me off even more… she ain’t touch my beard..
“umm… can u cut my beard please?”
OOOO I didn’t know you wanted that cut too…
-___- yea cause I wanna walk around looking neat from the temple up…
so she cuts my beard and whaddyaknow…
f*cked that up too…
Normally, the ladies just charge me for a cut and they hook my beard up… Not Bamma Nicole Smiff… not her… she charged me for both shit jobs…
BNS: that’ll be $22
Me: I’m sorry, what?
Me: and….. why is that?
BNS: 16 for the cut, 6 for the beard.
Me: but umm… it’s normally just 16.. i barely have a beard (this was before i grew my luxurious amish beard)
BNS: but i cut it… I gave you a chance not to get it cut..
Me: OH OK… you tried to cut me a deal?? ok cool… well let’s do it like this… You gave me half ass haircut, I’m finna give you this half ass payment here’s $10….
*runs out before they send my ass to jail*
Ain’t been to Garner since…
I can’t say turning into my dad is all bad tho, I mean… everything you love about me I probably got from him… Except my smile… got that from mom dukes…
Miss You Pops!