Touch That Link, Folk

What NOT To Do During An Interview

I recently got a call from a company that said they were actually impressed with my resume and they wanted to set me up with an interview… i’m not gonna go in depth with that but if i got the job i’d be Oprah rich (not really)… but after i got off the phone i was thinking that i’ve come a looooonng way since i was a Freshman at VSU… I was thinking back to my first interview for an internship when i was 18 and how TURRBLE that went….

So… this company (which shall remain nameless) was having interviews in the building that my major was in, and it was mandatory to sign up for one… So I woke up early, did some research on the company, sh!t ,showered, shaved, did the “I AM SOMEBODY” speech in the mirror, and got there early enough to calm myself down cause I was nervous as all hell.

The lady calls me in and I sat down and she asked me how I was and i couldn’t decide whether to say i’m fine, good, great, or well so like an idiot I said “i’m chillin”… then i put my head down and that’s where it stayed for the rest of the interview…

I’m shy naturally, but freshman and sophomore years i was ridiculously shy… i got nervous if people looked at me in eyes and i started to stutter and look away from em and i had this nervous habit of rubbing my head while talking to people which made me look like I was finna rob my interviewer..

So the interview continued and she asked me a question that I never heard: “If you could compare yourself to a cartoon character who would you choose and why?” without thinking, I said the Hulk….

(._.)

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“Why, cause I wouldn’t like you when you’re angry?”

I couldn’t even think of a good lie so i just said “YUP”…. and beat myself up…

Then the end of the interview came and she told me everything I did wrong… obviously the hulk was the first thing she brought up… then my eye contact…. then rubbing my head….. then she said “I don’t know if you’ve been taught this but, you should always wear a suit to an interview”(at this time i was like… 400lbs… don’t ask) If you can afford a suit that damn big then PLEEEAAASSSEEE bless a nigga… but if not.. then be satisfied with this shirt and tie ensemble that I’m sporting.. bitch i’m dapper…

then…. the worst part happened…

“Oh.. and the shirt *reaches over to pull on it* is this a new style or is it on inside out?”

*exasperated sigh*

sho nuff….. my shirt was on inside out… HOW IN THE ACTUAL F*CK?!

as if I didn’t feel shitty enough…. she told me I should’ve done my research… then i made my slightly upset goon face (by habit), which caused her to feel a certain way and then without thinking i said “Hole Up! I did my research but yeen ask me about it” I had all sorts of bass in my voice…

then she criticized my resume and I left with my tail in between my legs…..

fast forward  2 years and 100 something lbs(again… don’t ask)

I saw the posting for an interview and I noticed that it would be the same lady so I put on my A++ game…. Walked in that bitch with a 3 piece suit on with a name that i couldn’t even think about pronouncing… beard looking like something only Motions hair care can produce… Breath smelling like Gold and success… Resume like the lost treasures of Atlantis…Smile like Cocaine and Crest… I was on my sh!t…

looked her in the Eyes… said every got damn thing with confidence (i’m getting hype just typing this)

then she asked me the SAME cartoon character question and what did I say? “The Hulk”

then she looked at me and was like “OOHH EYE REMEMBER YOU!!”

but WAIT!!!

“people look at me and think that because I don’t smile much or because i’m quiet that I may be mean or mad, but in actuality… I’m a genuinely nice person… the Hulk smashes, but he also saves people… *smiles*”

if you listened closely you could hear her draws get moist…

she told me how great I did, then I later got offered an internship….

Ho…. F*CK YO INTERNSHIP(i had a different one offered) I just did this to show you.. not my exact words…

but yea… If this story had to have a moral it’d be.. you live and you learn.. take each mistake as a lesson and never make that same mistake again… I graduated a champion, eff wit me…

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