The Tale of Bruh Johnnie
So, the other day I was watching the movie “Kick Ass” and it reminded me about this awesome story I heard a while ago about the first .. just thought I’d share it with ya’ll… wanna hear it? here it goes
This is the Tale of Bruh Johnnie, as you can see from the title.
Bruh Johnnie was THEE BEST black vigilante right between Nat Turner and Blankman…
BJ(getcha mind out the gutter) was from a tiny town bout the size of a Cadillac Deville by the name of Edgefield, SC. He was born in the late 20’s and was born to sharecroppers, the oldest of like, 193 churrin.. you know black folks ain’t have birf control so they just kept ping pongin babies out like it was nothing.
anywho, BJ was born right before the Great Depression hit so he had to drop out of elementary school to hit the fields and hold it down for his big ass family. Bruh Johnnie had retarded strength… i mean like you need an animal slaughtered he’d just put it in a sleeper hold skrong… so yeen need any oxen just strap a plow to his ass and promise him pigfeet later and your field will have the freshest line up you could imagine.
to go with this strength, ole boy was the best scrapper in Edgefield.. but ironically he wasn’t a violent man. The Only time he fought was if someone in his family was disrespected, or if a womanfolk was disrespected. but eventually he beat every ass that needed it so no one would mess with him..
lil time later some egg shell colored folk came to town and started goin ham… paper colored folk that liked to wear pointed paper colored hoods Led by Bull Connor… you ever heard of Bull Connor? Google him.. Bruh Johnnie gave him excellent hands when he was just semteen years old… but i’ll get to that later.
when Bulls folks started going hammington, Bruh Johnnie decided to fight back… but it’s hard to fight a group of people unarmed… so my man BJ got his Samson on and grabbed an hogjaw(didn’t have an ass to de-jaw) and got some big corncobs for projectiles and went on a spree… being a sharecroppers son, he couldn’t afford a fly costume, bruh just got an old potato sack and wrote “I Got It 4 Cheap” on it…(didn’t know he originated that did you?) so he had the potato sack, no mask just a cap with the brim tilted LOW(couldn’t see his face) that would miraculously stay on and of course his suspenders… no matter where you went you had to wear suspenders in the 30’s.. Bruh Johnnie hit that red clay and took out anyone who Bull sent out to jump stupid… and his signature call that let you know Bruh was on his way
“SAAAAAYYYYYY WWHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!!!!!! “
by the time he was done screaming you was on ya ass or on the way down… bruh was that fast…like any cliche hero, Bruh had Bruhisms… things he would say after he saved folk:
“be careful where ya set shit dahn cause niggas’ll steal ya stuff no soon as it hit da ground”
“don’t let ya right hand know what ya left hand doin”
“don’t let ya britches hang low cause ya never know if a nigga will try n catcha”
“don’t cut the fool out in public”
Bruh was a deep man….
this one particular story i remember being told was when bruh found out that Bull Connor had sent some of his BIT’s (bigots in training) to go to the playground and pick a fight with Bruh’s two youngest siblings Freddy Thuglass and Soburner Troof…Once Bull messed with Bruh’s family he f*cked up royally…,
Bruh snuck into Bulls office, locked himself in, and broke his hogjaw over Bulls head in one swing… he was THAT furious, then proceeded to Shidea Lane(google it) his ass til he shit himself twice…
but Bull’s henchmen had heard his screams and were trying to get into his office but Bruh told em ” you come own in heah and i’ma knock this fools nuts in the sand PERMANENTLY”
Bruh told Bull that he’d let him live if he promised him one thing… a way for him and his 192 siblings along with his parents to get out of Edgefield for good…. Bull, wanting to live, and seeing that Bruh got foam running from his mouf, obliged…
he gave bruh an hour to get everything together and get out, once that hour passed he would send his henchmen out to kill him… thinking that an hour is not even close to enough time to get 195 people out of the town.. Bruh thought to himself: “HA! nigga jokes on you, yea there’s 195 of us but we POE… we don’t own a damn thing!”
Bruh was out of Edgefield in 25 mins… he joined the army to support his family and then settled down in DC driving a taxi cab… fighting the urge to bust heads… all while wishing a nigga would…
This is a true story….
I’m not 100% sure… my Grandfather doesn’t say much about his past…