Touch That Link, Folk

The Rise & Fall Of Hoodrat Infatuation

So…. my freshman year in college I had this strange attraction to hoodrats.. It was something sexy to me about red micro braids and hot pink skinny jeans…. jordan’s, daisy dukes, a wife beater with the “she might be a lil pregnant might be 4 loko” stomach bump..

Judge Me…..

anyways there was this one hoodrat I had class with that i had a skrong crush on… Let’s just call her Aretha Stanklin…. eventually I got her number and we went out to McDonalds cause hoodrats are easily flattered(and i was broke) and we were at the drive thru window and the lady had a stank attitude…while at the window, Ms. Stanklin asked the lady for alot of extra ketchup… the lady was rushing me so i took the ketchup and tossed it in her lap… I didn’t throw it like a pitcher with alot of hate in my heart, i lightly tossed it…

big mistake

“NIGGA DID YOU JUST THROW KETCHUP AT ME?!?!”

I was just playing, it’s all love

“NO NIGGA WON’T NOBODY PLAYING HOW DARE YOU I OUGHTA GRAB THE WHEEL AND KILL US BOTH”

chill, you acting like i swung at you or something i was just playing my b

“NIGGA YOU GON HIT ME?! I’LL CALL AWL MY BROVAS UP TO COME BANK YOU”

dafuq? over ketchup??

“NIGGA THIS IS DEEPER THAN MUHFUGGIN KETCHUP”

*holding in a laugh*

“just take me home Teddy, i’m done”

So later she apologized and we went out to the mall and on the way back I stopped by my boys job to pick up something and introduced him to her…

on the way back she hit the button…

“Teddy, don’t be showing me off to people like i’m yo gurl, we just cool nigga”

i clearly went to my boys job to get this money from him and I felt it rude to not introduce ya’ll don’t hype yourself…

“Nigga i’m BAD, i’m off the f*ckin charts I know what you was doing”

more statements like ^^that one….

*one of the rare moments i started hulkin up*

shut…. the F*CK UP you been naggin me for three f*ckin weeks just SHUT yo hoodbooga ass UP and leave me lone

“Teddy, you’re scaring me, just calm down”

*i’m scaring her? what’s a goon to a goblin*

Stop talking cause you making it worse, just sitcho ass back, finish takin ya weave out, and stop all that got damn jaw jackin…

“ok Teddy, i’ll go out with you again, just stop”

are you serious?! I can’t wait to get you out the car, what makes you think I wanna go out with you again?

“Nigga, I been texting my brovas everything you been telling me they ready to F*CK you up!”

*inner self*: Teddy, she just bluffing bruh

Whatever nigga…

Then she called em and put em on speaker phone and all i heard was “YEA NIGGA IT’S OVER FOR YOU WHEN YOU COME BACK TO THE BURG” and other voices in the back and she’s like “tell Twan to get the tool”

…………….the tool???

*inner self*: oooohhh Teddy, we never rehearsed this……. ight… just be cool, pull ya black out and light it.. and keep the same mug on your face you been had… LOOK THE PART.. COMMITMENT!

10 mins of silence… then she said “i called em off Teddy, they not gonna do anything”

this led me to believe everything was bullshit… but you know… i’m tryna live… i’m sitting here Sans Tool and there may/may not be a goon convention outside my dorm..

if there was ONE dude who was a student i wouldn’t even be concerned….. but her brothers are locals who have nothing to lose and probably treat shooting a nigga like a Bar Mitzvah…

f*ck it, i aint ashamed to say it, her scare tactics worked…

Ms Stanklin-1 Teddy-0

I saw her at VA Beach a few years later and tried to run her ass over.. but you know… traffic and what not…

so.. yea… this was the end of my Hoodrat Infatuation

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2 responses

  1. Pingback: Might Don’t Make It | The Life & Times of Theodore Perseus Belafonte

  2. Scoop

    I fuckin quit U.

    April 24, 2013 at 2:16 PM

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