Touch That Link, Folk

The Remedy

Contrary to popular beliefs, I’m a shy guy…. I’m soft spoken and i keep to myself a lot of times. Sometimes i feel that people don’t take me seriously and I often wondered how can I get people to take me seriously? Well i found  a way to do so… Not that i recommend it cause it can backfire on you like a muhfugga but the technique I used was simple.. Act a f*ckin fool ONE time and people will leave you alone… i have a 100 percent success rating but that’s because i’ve only done it twice… care to hear about it? No? too got damn bad

I had been in Orlando for about a month and a half and we were all still getting along pretty well but some people would say slick shit to me that deserved an ass whoopin, but it’s not in my nature to be aggressive. I’m always chill and i brush most things off but i just felt like i needed some damn respect round there…

on my Joe Jackson shit..

so I decided that whenever the opportunity arisen(did i use that right?) arose? meh..

I was gonna just blow it out of proportion..

So we were all in the apartment and Elroy had this tiki necklace in his hand and I said something smart to him and he was like “shut the hell up, i’ll throw this necklace at you bitch”

my time has come….

“bitch if you throw that at me EYE PROMISE i will fuck you up royally”

*Elroy cocks back like he’s gonna throw it*

“ight… keep on i’ma give you the asswhoopin of ya life”

*he throws it but intentionally throws it softly so it lands at my feet*

me: *flipped coffee table* (I made sure there wasn’t anything on it)

“YOU DONE FUCKED UP NOW”

I picked up the necklace and took off after him, he ran straight out the apartment.

(Elroy is a white boy who lives in the rich part of Baton Rouge, so the only contact he has with black people is listening to Boosie and Webbie)

I’m committed to this fuckery so i am chasing him down the stairs threatening to eat his children and whatever else pops in my head.

he ran into the parking lot and jumped into his car and locked it.. then finally pulled off and I threw the tiki at his car… i have the aim of Michael J Fox so i missed terribly..

When i walked back in the apartment all my white roommates were staring at me with their jaws dropped

“holy shit dude were you serious?!”

“No… i spent half of my time out there tryin not to laugh”

then 30 mins later i get a text from Elroy like:

“dude i’m so sorry, i never meant to make you mad I swear i just playing dude.”

it’s quite alright

“is it safe to come home now”

of course sir…

“holy shit, i was trying to find a place to sleep tonight until you calm down”

never had a problem out of anyone in the apartment after that…. NEVER…

that was part 1 of 2…. get ready for part 2

I was working Extra Magic Hours at Disney which is when rich ass guests of the park come after midnight and have the entire park to themselves and you have the pleasure of working from 4pm-2am. I had a terrible ass head cold and fever and the shortest temper… I told my manager and he told me not to worry bout it and that he had 3 people closing and he only needs 2 anyway so he let me end my shift at 10…

one of these people that I was leaving was a guy that i’m just gonna call this cat Tronald Dump, Tron for short… overall I would say Tron was cool but he was one of those people whose jokes always went too far.. he was the son of a millionaire and his mom was Jane Fonda so he felt better than everyone else..

well after hearing that i was leaving early for being sick he threw a bitch fit…

his actual words: “Oho, my name is teddy and i’m a softy who can’t finish his shift because of a lil cold i caught”

bruh bite ya tongue i’m actually sick…

“Ooohhooo look at me i’m teddy.. i’m too puss to finish my shift so i put my work off on other people because that’s what my kind does”

now that ACTUALLY pissed me off… i can’t lay hands on him, but it’s slow at work so what I can do is cuss his ass out something proper:

“If you don’t get yo bitch made ass out my got damn face i’ma f*ck you up forreal. What I SHOULD do is drag ya ass to Mickey’s lagoon over there and hold you under til the bubbles stop.”

(being halfway upset and also wanting to be an ass i decided that I’d continue with the Disney type threats because they tickled my soul)

“I oughta drag ya crippled ass(mild limp, forgive me) to the top of Cinderella’s Castle and throw you the f*ck off. ”

“then let Scar and them ugly ass hyena’s finish you off ya lil bitch”

and this whole time i’m laughin on the inside and having sooo much fun.. and he’s just sitting there… FROZEN…. staring at me while i rip him a new one. and i told myself if he starts to tear up then i’d stop… cause i still have a heart.. but he deserved some of this…

“Get shanked in the stomach like that boat did Ursula if you want to muhfucka.. keep talkin…”

I began to run out of ideas so I stopped and walked away… and all he could do was keep starin lookin slow bout the face.

“and don’t think i ain’t hear you shit yo draws either”

End Scene….

he delivered the most sincere apology to me and we actually became friends… never had that problem from him again tho

as I type this i realized that I basically had a nigga moment that disgraced my race… I’m Sorry Black America, Obama, the Spirit of MLK Jr, Bill Cosby, and any others that i may have hurt in this post….

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