The Dangers of Online Dating
So… there was this girl that sent me a friend request on facebook… i thought she was cute so i accepted.. i could tell that she had some size to her but i’m a fan of big girls so i didn’t mind….
Remember that cause i’ma come back to it later…
we had a lot of conversations on facebook and i thought she was cool.. one day she put the conversation on her back doe, and said that she wanted to go to the movies with me… so, we set the date, i was in Raleigh with my pops at the time me n him went to our fav spot McCalls before i went to go pick her up. i promise you that sentence has something to do with this story and i’m not just being fat..
anywho.. ole girl texted her address and then she immediately called and was like “hey just to clear some things up, you ARE paying for me right?” Red Flag #1
I put the address in my GPS and it sent me to West Bubbafuck NC… it was actually somewhere in Garner, but i’ve lived in that area for 10 years and never seen this part EVER…. all i saw was trailers and red clay…. sketchiest/countriest area i’ve ever seen in my life… i said a prayer and rang the doorbell….
the doorbell didn’t work… surprise surprise…
finally her mom answered the door and i did my gentleman thing: hello i’m Mr. Belafonte i’m here for Showty… and she invited me in and asked where she knew me from.. me and my pops sat next to her and her husband and she told me she admired the way i took care of my dad(he was physically handicapped, that’s another blog entry).. her country fried husband came out and was impressed by my use of the word “sir” and my swag’d out ass handshake.. mom dukes said I was a keeper… Red Flag #2
Remember ^^up there, the world angles??
i know i’m a big dude… BUT… ole girls FB pics were all taken at angles.. and she came out her room bout a strong 6ft (i’m 5’6 on a tall day), and was a bit bigger than I imagined… but I was cool with it cause she was so nice on the internet.. we get in the car and THEE FIRST thing she asks me is: How tall are you Teddy? 4’11?!…… Red Got Damn Flag #3
I’ve never had a problem with my height… but who likes being picked on? she made a couple more short jokes before we even left the trailer park… then to make things worse, i was driving my PT Loser at the time and she got wedged between the dashboard and the seat so she forced it back and i heard a loud crack so my mood got shittier cause this scallywag broke my damn car seat…
So… while i’m in my mood we were driving and she’s playing every gospel song i have on my iPod and singing loud as hell cause she thought she was Mahalia Jackson.. so we’re driving and she says: OOHHH SUBWAY CAN WE STOP THERE AND TAKE IT TO THE MOVIES PLEASE?!?!?!
we get to the $1 theatre and she starts begging me for reeses pieces and a blue slurpee…
hell naw she ain’t get it…
we’re in the theatre and she’s goes “Teddy don’t you wanna put your arm around me?” Naw bruh i’m too short….
the movie ends and i’m taking her home and she says “Maybe the movies wasn’t a good place to go to get to know someone”
sheeeiiiiitttt i know plenty now…
“where are you from originally Teddy?”
“oh is that why you’re so short?”
WTF does that have to do with anything you dick?
dropped her off and that was the last i heard from her…… never again…..