Touch That Link, Folk

Teddy & Bobby Go To Popeyes

Like I said in my earlier posts, when I was working in Orlando I often found myself with time on my hands and nothing constructive to do… one day me and my homie co-worker Bobby Drake, one of the coolest niggas in Tuscaloosa AL, were both off work, had nothing to do, had a single f*ck to give, and just got paid….

we had to do something… so we did something amazing….
we played super smash brothers….
then we got hungry…. didn’t want McDonalds… because who does? didn’t want subway because f*ck Jared…. we thought about KFC.. and that sparked a brilliant idea…
“NIGGA!! we needa find a popeyes”
so we get on the iPhone and look for the nearest popeyes… it was about 35 mins away but we were down for a mission… his map on the gps got dark so that told us we were going to the hood (bet ya’ll aint know iphones had that feature)
so we head out the Apt complex and we get 86ft down the street and these 2 white girls walk in the middle of the street, puts her hand out like Prince Akeem…
DAFUQ?!
I roll down my window ready to cuss they ass out something mean and in this strong ass french accent
“Sorry, we’re french CP’s(interns) can we get ze ride to ze wal-mart??”
ho, you almost got yo ass flattened for a ride to wal-mart?! I like you..
So they got in the back and made it 20 ft before they said:
“Thank you guys so much, we give you guys sex??”
well that escalated quickly…
Us: oh WORD?!
Her: nooo just playing.. we can’t do that… we can’t do the, how do you say, neegas
*brake screech*
Me: Ok i’ma need ya’ll to get the f*ck outta my car…
Her: what did we do??
Me: Neegas?? dafuq is wrong with you?! da hell out my car before i burn ya clueless racist ass with this black..
*exit passenger side*
so NOW we’re on our way to the skreets of Orlando. Yes Orlando has a hood.. it’s quite trill over there..
the funny thing there’s no gray area on your way to the hood… you literally go from Universal Studios, to a Trick Daddy video in 3.5 secs… it’s amazing..
we finally get to Popeyes and walk in and behind the register I see Missy Smelliot…
5’10 240lbs of straight Florida hoodrat..
what you may not know about Florida is that they have a different breed of hoodrat… it’s really nothing you’ve ever seen in VA or NC or where have you…
the hoodrats here are ride or die… why do i need to explain this to you? you’ve seen Khia you know exactly what i’m talking bout…
Missy had these thick ass dreads, mouth fulla random gold teef and tats saying RIP to everyone but Red Foxx…
and she eye balled me all the way to the register.. a part of me was hoping she was looking at Bobby lustfully.. hell ALL of me hoped that…
so i get there and she goes
“What can i getcha baby?! withca chunky cute self”
O__O
Thank you???
i place my order which was MASSIVE cause i had no idea when i’d be back…
Bobby did the same.. and we waited for our order..
once we got our food we sat down to go cunningHAM but we forgot the main ingredient…hot sawse…
Bobby goes up to the counter and asks for it and I hear THEE WORST thing i’ve heard since kiss me thru the phone..
“yea you can have some but ya friend gotta come over here and get it”
no shame
Him: Ha Ha
Missy: Ha Ha Hell…
so he comes back over and lays the bad news on me…
welp.. guess we aint eatin chicken with hot sawse…
then i realized what i just said was blasphemous… so i went over there…
Missy: here go ya hot sauce baby..
*puts her hand out and every time i reach she moves it further*
then i lean over the counter for it..
and…
and…
and……
this heffa kissed me in the mouth…. my WHOLE mouth…
i was distraught….. i was offended….. i was…. BLAGHHHH
i’m gettin lightheaded thinkin bout it
it tasted like pennies, marlboros and years of promiscuity….
i ain’t gon lie… i’m comfortable around ya’ll now… i cried when i got home….
i felt dirty…. i was a whore…
anyways let’s not talk about my struggle….
so after the hoodrat employees of popeyes stopped laughing…
i got my hotsauce and used that and the chicken to ease the pain i just went through…
and JUST when i thought this night wouldn’t get any more weirder than it already has…
this super feminine MFer walks in wearing coogi and sequin.. a combination i have never seen in my life… he’s tall and lanky, has long permed hair and a beard… he looks like a gay andre 3000 and the man upstairs… so it’s only right i refer to him as “Sweet Teasus”
he walked in with 2 nice looking hoodbunnies… not quite hoodgazelles but they cgi…
of course me and Bobby glance over at em and they looked back…
so Sweet Teasus starts walking towards us and we think he tryna buck…. so we keep calm…
ST: I see ya’ll looking…. ya’ll niggas like what ya’ll see?? they like what they see..
Us: O_o
ST: niggas ain’t gotta be shy nah, they play nice…. and they’ll take good care of you…
Me: O_o >>>> -__- >>>>> O__O…. OH SHIT YOU A MUHFUGGIN PIMP!!!
 HoodBunnies: *hood rat nose laughter*
ST: don’t be advertising my shit nigga… ya’ll interested??
Bobby: NOPE! WE OUT!!!
hopped in the car and LEFT… never been to that side of town again….
until next time folks
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