Touch That Link, Folk

Teddy B D.A.R.E.ing

Seems like every time I meet someone new I get asked the SAME question:

“Aye Teddy, you smoke weed?” Nooo not at all….
I have nothing against weed tho, just not my steez… Funny thing is, it WAS my steez a few years ago.
Believe it or not my freshman to junior years in college I attended the State of the Union with George Kush ALL THE TIME… I wasn’t a stoner tho… but me denying that I wasn’t makes me sound like I was…
Anywho, this one fateful day changed everything…
So i’m on my way to the city and my boy Shemar Slore hits me up telling me he got his hands on that Louis Armskrong so I head over there ASAP…
It’s like any other session we had, got the Port of Miami playing in the background and we having a good time…
THEN… everything turned lavender…..
EVERYTHING..
I start feeling weird and nervous as hell…
Shemar got the munchies and hit up his boy The Bright Knight to go to New York Fried Chicken..
no one wanted to drive so we walked… and i’m walking round downtown Richmond like:
“yep, this is it…. i’m finna die tonight….. but i’ma get these niggas fore they get me… they gon hafta earn this homicide”
don’t ask me who I was talmbout cause I have no idea…
We get to NYFC and i’m still thinking someone somewhere is tryna kill me… The club just let out so it’s a big crowd that i’m just eyeballing and planning escape routes…
After awhile this angry ass nigga got to the front of the line… this is when feces began to become authentic…
ole boy claimed that he paid $25 for a $15 meal and demanded his $10 back… at first he was arguing with Mahatma Ghandi… when he started to get nervous his boy inmate #84574RD came up front and started going ham on dude…
“MUTHAF*CKA I PAID $25 I NEED MY GOT DAMN CHANGE BACK!”
“WHO THE F*CK PAYS $25 FOR $15 YOU DUMB BASTARD?”
“I KNOW WTF I DID JUST GIMME MY CHANGE!!”
*slaps counter*
in the state of mind EYEM in I think i’m finna lose my life…  I just knew this nigga had a gun and this is it… i’m already checking facebook on my phone tryna figure out which picture my friends were gonna put on a t shirt…
I start hyperventilating and I look at Shemar and Bright Knight and they smirking like “this nigga buggin”
I look behind them and I see Jackson Wards FINEST… the goonest of goons.. skinny 11:59pm dark niggas wearing flight jackets in the spring with jean shorts that would fit big on ME… while buddy at the counter arguing them niggas peeking around the corner at em then i see em grab at they waist at their guns…
I’ve seen all I need to… that was IT
Me: SHEMAR! we need to get the hell outta here…
Shemar: the hell wrong wit you?!
Me: I can’t be here… I can’t do it… look at my hand yo
*starts shaking hand*
Me: shit finna go down..
Shemar: What are you talkin bout?
Me: this nigga got- gotta- got-gah- I saw a- he got a- umm- I just seen him reach- THERE’S A GUN!!
Knight: Teddy calm down.. everythings gonna be ok… some niggas like me can’t hold they alcohol, you can’t handle weed… it’s OK bruh… just calm down
this is the when i figured out Shemar and Bright Knight were in on the plot to kill Teddy…
so it’s time to plan my escape route:
If i break this bottle of hot sauce over Shemar’s head and sprinkle this pepper in Knights eye i can Jackie Chan back roll outta this chair then throw it at these starving goons with the guns and then dip out this restaurant and go home to live another day..
Ole boy still arguing with Beyond Scared Skraight and dude finally said
“here, taking this f*ckin $20 and getcha ass outta here I don’t wanna see you as long as ya ass is black”
“you not gon gimme my fuckin food?!?! WHAT?!…. EAT. SHIT. AND. DIE..”
“no, YOU eat shit cause yeen gon be eatin no chicken”
the whole restaurant starts laughing hard at him and I just wanna stand up like
“HE HAS A GUN WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT HIM?!! HIDE THE BABIES!!!”
but i’ve come to terms that this is how I leave the earth… so i’m sitting in the corner of the booth awaiting this gunfight…
to my surprise no one pulled a gun out…
My boys never set me up to die…
The goons never pulled the tool…
I LIVED!
in case you were wondering I haven’t smoked that Fidel CasDro in 3 years… cause I’m NNEEEEEVVVVEERRRRR gonna trip like that again… can’t do it… i’ll be that sober loser..
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